Some moments when everything ....

when everything just seems to be against you, when nothing you want to work works. It is a sensation of being nothing, nobody. But I still think that everything has a reason, and if those things haven't worked is because something.
Here I am, 3:13 at night listening to The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, at least Winamp works. I wanted to record my voice tonight, I wanted it to be a present, in fact I've been speaking for over 6 minutes without knowing than the microphone didn't work. I looked for the sofware in the internet, I made some tests, but when it had to work it didn't.
I've been also trying to write a Motivation letter for applying for money to do my PhD, I didn't know what to write and I better left it for tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a better day. I really hope I won't have those nightmares I had last night. Horrible, I mean, really horrible, maybe I will write it down some day, it is about to be written in my non-electronical diary. Why?
And that finnish language: God, why wasn't I born Suomalainen? But at least I like it.


I will keep on singing in my dreams, and I hope to dream about u.

"Good good things happen in bad towns" (Yeah yeah yeahs, Honeybear)

What will happen in The Village?

Good night

Lordi did it: They won Eurovision!!!

Finally, the traditional Eurovision song contest brings something new and different into our homes, that had been punished with no reason year after year with old-fashioned clichés.
And Lordi got into the contest, not without a polemic choice in their home country, Finland, and receiving critics from a clergyman from the Orthodox Church, who said that Lordi "is a stupid joke of Finland".
But still they won.
And I say, why all that criticism?, Why all that accusations of being an incitement to Satanism? Why is still some people in Europe that close-minded?
Ok, it is not my kind of music, neither it is the "typical political cliché" music that we used and use to see at Eurovision, but at least is a REAL band, chosen by the Finns, and that is a reflect of them: Suomi has many fans of hard rock and guitar rock.
And what about Spain? Again and again and again: deplorable in a word. Why always all that spanish guitars, all that latin spirit, there's only left the bullfighter and the bull itself. It sucks. I really wanted Spain to be the last country. A comitteé of experts chose "Las Ketchup" as the candidates, and well, it doesn't get far better when the crowd has the right to do it...
Another thing that was a surprise (although i knew it) was the politic burden this contest has: we got 12!! points from Andorra!!! Al lot of countries surronding Russia voted them and the same with Scandinavians, they voted each other.

Well, and as Helingin Sanomat proclaimed this morning: "It's official: Hell has frozen over. Finland has won". And it is true, nobody who hasn't been in Finland knows how a Finn felt when they were told about their performances in Eurovision. All those years of humilliation and zero points have ended, now they have their winners: Lordi.

Time for writings

Los tonos cremas de las luces nocturnas

te iluminan mientras fumas.
Tu mirada perdida
delata pensamientos profundos
y mientras, en otro lugar,
con similares luces y parecida belleza,
alguien recuerda tu sonrisa,
alguien piensa en odiar o amar la vida.

Y no sabes por qué no puedo, simplemente
aparecer de la nada en tus calles
y no en las mías;
caer, como la lluvia cae del cielo
y abrazar tus sentidos;
ser Luz que te ilumina
y transformarme luego en hombre;
ser parte de esas calles que admiras,
doblar la esquina

y ver mi cara y la tuya juntas,
y sellar un beso,
por fin,
como amantes de un pasado siglo hicieron,
como amantes de hoy en día hacen.



The night lights' cream colours
illuminate you while you smoke.
Your lost look
betray deep thoughts,
and, meanwhile, in other place,
with similar lights and alike beauty,
somebody remember your smile,
somebody think in hate or love Life.

And you don't know why can't I, simply,
appear from anywhere in your streets,
and not in mine;
fall, like rain falls from heaven,
and embrace your senses;
be Light that illuminates you
and then transform myself in man;
be part of those streets you admire,
turn the corner
and see your face and mine together,
and seal a kiss,
finally,
like lovers from a past century did,
like lovers nowadays do.

And a second one // Y un segundo

Mi desconfianza en mí mismo
me hace ver golpes donde no los hay,
me hace sentir cosas que no son,
ilusionarme cuando la ilusión no existe,
y pensar en el pasado cuando todos saben que

éste ya no importa.


My distrust in myself
makes me see blows where there are not
makes me feel things that are not,
builds up my illusion when illusion doesn't exist,
and think about the past, when everybody know that
it 's not important anymore.

Un nuevo escrito // A new writing

Y escuché una explosión
tan grande que rompió todas las ideas,
las opiniones más dipares.
Juntó a todas y las fundió en la verdad;
tan sorprendente pareció a unos y otros
pero decidieron perdonarse a sí mismos y a los demás,
ya que, la verdad era tan imposible de descubrir
que sólo ella sabía que existía.

And I heard an explosion,
as big that it broke all the ideas,
the most different opinions.
It joined all together and united them in the truth;
such surprising it seemed toone and others
but they decided to forgive themselves and the rest,
because, truth was so impossible to discover
that only She knew that existed.

The begining of a new stage of my life?

Today I have re-started the reading of "The Celestine Prophecy". I hope it will help myself and I will see life as clear as before. This wednesday I bought a cd "Placebo", my favourite cd from them, the first one, although they have really composed good cds later, the last one"Meds" is very good.
I identified that cd with my early twenties, and with a girl, who I haven't see for years.
I was very doubtful about buying the cd, but I finally did.
Then at night, I was with a girl who was having a cigarette in the street, and suddenly, the girl I identify the cd with appear, and we talked for a while. Curious, isn't it?
I am wondering if I wouldn't had bought the cd, would i had met the girl? ....I guess I wouldn't, something says to me....I hope all the magic coincidences are starting again.

The World has turned and left me here

I need a change in my life. I need new horizons, new illusions, new places to discover. I am thinking in reading again "The Celestine Prophecy" ("Las Nueve Revelaciones") by James Redfield, book that I consider as something like my bible (almost), and that guided me in some of my most important decisions in the past. Because I am, in a way, lost. Lost in this jungle as I was once. That book made me see life as nothing did before, and it made me trust in it again.
I went to Norway (the best decision I have ever taken), because some coincidences and facts that happened when I did not know what to choose, and I am proud and happy I did, there I learned many things about life: Life showed me what is Freedom like, and what is life and dead in their pure nature, and believe me it was like living Magic, like if I were a magician.
I asked for things, personal ones, things I believe I truly needed. Life, or destiny, or all the universe's magic forces together granted me, and in one way or another I got my wishes. The saddest way to resolve a problem, in one of the cases, but, who cares now?, that time has passed... A way that I couldn't imagine and that made me suffer at the begining, in other case, but I was glad to live it in that way.
I ask myself today: Where is all that Magic, where are all that coincidences? I must have chosen a wrong way, I don't know what is exactly the limit and what should I change. I know some things I must change, like accepting who I am and try to unfold more my personality, but I don't know which way to take now, I believe I know, but, if I'm wrong? Maybe I am right and I get the wrong idea about the time to go. If I have to wait a little bit?

Almost 30

Yes, in a week now I will be 30 years old...
How does it sound? Old. Is not depression, but I feel I have to find something soon: a place to live feeling Victor 100%, a thing to do for living feeling that it is a thing I would do without getting paid...That means that I love it
I want to find out who the fuck I am and what is the reason why I am here, in planet Earth.
Maybe I am asking for too much, maybe not, but I could not live feeling that I don't have anything to do here, that I am just here to work for the rest of my life going to work and coming home and doing anything else. I still trust this life. (for once I have removed the word "but")
My god!

Leaf among snow

Bicycles are only for summer

Kashmir

Very recently I have discovered a new band, an extraordinay one. With all this internet stuff, discovering new bands for the audience and being discovered by the audience for the bands is much easier. I have discovered many, very good ones, but Kashmir has something more. Too bad that they have entered my life this late, they created the band in 1991in Copenhagen, so it is 15 years of playing, 5 LP's, 1 EP and a live album, plus a documentary released on DVD.
That's all, only my recommendation of listening to this great danish bands...again...Scandinavians....

Some of their extraordinary songs:

Miss you (The good Life, 1999)
Surfing the warm industry (Zitilities, 2003)
Melpomene (Zitilities, 2003)
Kalifornia (No balance Palace, 2005)
She's made of chalk (No balance Palace, 2005)

Links

Official website

The first spanish site for Kashmir

Enjoy the Music!

Music Therapy

A couple of days ago, I was reading "El País" and I found an interesting news. Of course, I read the whole article, and I thought to make a comment, at least, in my blog.
It says like this: "Musicaltherapy in postoperatory". It seems that somebody has done a research study about the effect of Music in people who was operated recently, and a review has been published in one of the most important magazines of Medicine: "The Cochrane Library".
Patients who listened to music, compared to those who did not, complaint much less aout pain after the operations, says the article.
Science has not yet discovered the mechanism or mechanisms through which Music relieve pain, but distraction or relaxation can contribute to it.
You can read the press article here (in spanish) or here (in english).

Session of Music Theraphy in a Hospital

In my personal opinion, this a great news, and, well, why unsdiscovered or unfolded until now? I think everybody believes in that the recovery from a disesase, specially if you have to stay at a Hospital (horrible places, by the way) depends a lot on the personal state of mind of the patient. So, Music, as I truly think that can lead you into a state of absolute calm and/or happiness, should help out in the, sometimes diffcult, recovery.
For me, Music is deeply connected with persons and their state of being, and it is a way of interchange "vital energy", so, people can get high or down with it. I think that part of the composer stays "inside" the song forever, it is like a "mark". Part of their soul, perhaps, goes away with the song, and part of our state of mind. Then, even some of the listeners could take or leave their part in the song, take away the pain or sorrow... Who hasn't listened to a song and believed that takes something out of him/her, or gives him/her the courage to face life again? I have felt it....like if only me and the song existed, and nothing was more important than that.
I want to believe.

The Majestuosity of the "White Cathedral"

Sunset in Finland

Vicios

Dibujos en la noche de Madrid

Helsinki

My beloved Helsinki

Will I go back?

Thinking.....like most of the time I am deeply thinking....

Just back from meeting my friends, like every single weekend, how much do I love them!!! Currently listening to new Poets of the Fall cd...
On my way back home I have been walking something like 20 minutes, alone, and, of course, this means that I have plenty of time to think about important things, mainly, my future. I have discovered, or just unfolded, that I would go almost anywhere in the world if I could, to work in a field that I like. I suppose I am getting frustrated because now I know what do I want to do in life and what do I am, a Scientist, and a person who would like to leave a footprint here, in planet Earth, but I am not working and I am afraid of becoming a person who will not work in a place that he likes and in a place where he will not use his brain and creativity.
Also, a wish: work mainly in Scandinavia, Helsinki, or Norway, why not, I am bound to those places already, so why not coming back?
I am afrad, why? Of being considered old to research, being denied in grants applications because there are many more younger people trying to get into Science...I am not afraid of anything else except that, being considered "not worth" because of age, previous experience, etc.
I am just asking for an opportunity, and I will demonstrate how worth I am....
Difficult times, but I will be allright... I must!!!!!

Conclusiones / Conclusions

Si, han pasado ya un par de dias desde que llegué, y voy interpretando el viaje de una manera más objetiva, al no estar allí. Tengo que reconocer que las pasé canutas algunos días y con algunas situaciones, y que me jodió bastante tener que vivir en un Youth Hostel la mayor parte de los días, excepto aquellos que me alojé en Piia's (Kiitoksia!), también que el frío y el tener que andar todo el día casi sin rumbo fijo hicieron mella en mi infinita paciencia y en mis ánimos. Pero, pese a todo, Helsinki es una ciudad que me encanta y donde me encantaría vivir unos años.
Algunos días realmente me pregunté si de verdad quería ir allí de nuevo, la verdad es que sería difícil, pero nada que no pudiera manejar. De todas formas también has de abrirte un poco más y no descartar otras posibilidades, porque está complicado volver allí así como así, y, desde luego, a menos que cambie algo radicalmente, no va a ser mañana. Así que, una de las principales conclusiones, es que has de tener paciencia en volver y ponerte a hacer cosas aquí y a aprender el idioma.
Otra cosa es que también has de pensar mucho más objetivamente, algo sólo entre tu mente y tú, sin influencias externas. Tú al 100%. Y creo que aún así me querré ir, pero quizás un tiempo ha de pasar para que eso ocurra. Time will tell.....

Yes, some days have passed already since I came back to Madrid, and I am starting to interprete the trip in a more objective way, since I am not there. I have to admit that I passed hard times some days and with some situations, and that it was annoying to live in a Youth Hostel most of the days, except those I accomodated at Piia's (Kiitoksia!), also that cold and the fact that I had to walk almost all day without specific direction, took their toll in my patience and in my spirits. But, in spite of all that facts, Helsinki is a city that I love and where I would love to live some years.
Some days I really asked myself if I truly wanted to go there again, the truth is that it would be difficult, but nothing I couldn't handle. Anyway, also I should open my mind a little bit more and do not rule out other possibilities, because it is complicated to go back there that easy, and, of course, unless something change drastically, it won't be tomorrow. So, the one of the main conclusions is that I have to be patient in going back and start to do something here, and learn the language.
And another thing is that you have to think much more objectively, something only between your mind and you, without external influencies. 100% you. And I believe that even with that I would want to leave, but maybe some time have to pass until that happens. Time will tell....