The sound of Silence...and rain

The sky does not have a proper colour...!!



Scroll down to read the english version!!!!!

Hoy he estado en el Parque Nacional Nuuxio, en Espoo, cerca de Helsinki, una vez mas. Que belleza!! Paisajes preciosos y el verdadero sonido de el Silencio. Acogedor y a la vez impresionante. EL sonido de la naturaleza en su estado puro, solo perturbada por los molestos aviones aproximandose a Vantaa lentoasema.
No tengo sufiecientes palabras para describir lo que se siente. Pequeñez, tal vez, sí, seguro, pero es una sentimiento mas profundo que eso, te hace re-encontrarte con lo que un día fuiste en otra vida: parte de esa naturaleza, perteneciendo a ella con todas sus consecuencias, las buenas y las malas. Y que Paz... Uno se siente pequeno y afortunado de que aun existan sitios asi y que se puedan visitar.
Y despues: Lluvia. El sonido de millones de gotas cayendo a la vez. Que manera de llover! Y esto no es muy grato si estas en medio del bosque, como he dicho antes, sin refugio alguno, formando parte del medio al 100%, calado hasta los huesos como animal libre que vive en el parque.
Y al menos, me dio tiempo a dar la vuelta, completamente calado llegue al refugio donde habia comido mi bocadillo tan solo unos momentos antes. He echado de menos unas cerillas o un mechero para encender un fuego en el sitio adecuado y secar mi ropa y mi cuerpo. Al menos no era invierno, y la temperatura era agradable. Y estaba sacudiendo mi ropa sin camiseta.... pero no se seco. Y corri como nunca habia corrido hacia el autobus, a unos 3 km de distancia, parte cuesta arriba, y con solo 20 minutos de margen para cogerlo. Y lo hice, casi sin aliento, medio mareado y sudando a todo mas sudar. Ayer hice mi comienzo de pre temporada para el Rakiss. Casi me muero.
Y en casa, una ducha reparadora, una cerveza, buena musica y algo de picar. Despues un paseo disfrutando de la noche en VIikki, y vuelta a casa. Un dia para recordar.

"Marvellous landscapes"

I have been today in Nuuxio National Park, in Espoo, nearby Helsinki, another time. What a beauty!!! Marvellous landscapes and the true sound of Silence. Warm and at the same time impressive. The sound of nature in its pure state, only perturbed by the annoying sounds of the planes arriving to Vantaa airport.
I do not have enough words to describe what can be felt there. Small, you feel small, maybe, yes, sure, but it is a deeper feeling than that, it makes you find again what you were one day in another life, part of that nature and belonging to it with all its consecuences, good and bad ones. And what a Peace.... One feels small and fortunate that still places like this exist and that we can visit them.
And then: Rain. The sound of millions of drops falling at the same time. What a way of raining! And this is not very pleasant if you are in the middle of the forest, like I have said before, being part of the nature at a 100%, with no shelter to cover at, and soaked to death, like free animal that lives in the park.
And at least I had time to go back and I walked back the way I had already walked, until the shelter where I had had my lunch just few moments before. I have missed some matches or a lighter to light a bonfire, there was a place designated to do it, in order to dry myself and my clothes. At least it was not winter, and the temperature was pleasant. I was shaking off my t-shirt...but it did not dry.... And then I had to take the bus, and I ran like I had never run before, something like 3 km uphill and with only 20 minutes left to do it. And I did it, out of breath, half dizzy, and sweating to death. Yesterday I did my pre season for Rakiss, I almost die.
And at home, a shower to get my strength back, a beer, good music and something to eat. Then, a walk enjoying the night in Viikki and back home. A day to remember.

Marvellous night lights

Self portraits

What are you thinking about Vik?

Like painters in their days did and still do nowadays, I am some kind of maniac of self portraits, i like them, not the way I am "reproduced" in the pictures, because most of the times I don´t like them, but I do like the feeling of creation, the feeling of leaving behind a part of me that will hopefully last for a long time ...anyway... Enjoy this one, or hate it.... It is a funny one, in my opinion.

Cd´s I have borrowed

I have borrowed all these cd´s from Kirjasto 10 in Helsinki. Wonderful collection of music that they have. All kind of cd´s, al considered as culture. As it should be.

Estos son los cd´s que he alquilado en Kirjasto 10 en Helsinki. Allí tienen una gran coleccion de música. Todo tipo de cd´s, todos considerados como cultura, como debería ser.

The Sea

Maybe it is because I am from a city where the word "Sea " implies a long distance to cover until seeing it, but the truth is that I have never given it the importance that it deserves.
I have always loved the mountains more than the Sea, I still do, because I grew up surronded by mountains, and also because I have never liked so much the facts that "going to the beach" has in Spain. Beach culture during summer. I practiced it during years. Summer by summer, I may say, until I was 16 or 17.
But now, today, in Helsinki, just few metres away from it, I have given it its correct value. That lovely smell, that playful sounds, that sensatin of calmness...
I started to feel better yesterday and today; Today after the course I have found it, at the end of Mariankatu, surrounding Kauppatori, and I have walked towards it. And now I am just there, by its side, enjoying the care it is taking of me. I hope this feeling will last for a long time.

Written in Helsinki, 14 august 2006, 20:20 hrs. approximately.

Rainy day

Today it is raining in Finland. It is funny than just when I am starting to feel better and that painful sadness is getting away through playing the guitar, writing and "The Sea"
(I will post something about this soon), Finland is crying, like crying its sadness out, like I have done, like cleaning its sadness and at the same time mine. Thank you.

First post in Helsinki

Now I am just some metres away from The White Cathedral at Senaatintori, Helsinki. It is like it is taking me under its protection to make me feel better. It seems that the whole city helps me to feel better.
But today is just impossible, I feel so down that nothing can cheer me up. Today I hate life. I hope tomorrow I will love it.
My life is just a rollercoaster, always up, then down, up again, referring to my state of mind. Some days I think that everything is marvellous and that I will find my place soon, that it is a matter of a short time. But that never happens, I never reach that. I need a girl, today I need a girl specifically, I need a job I would work for free in, and a need my place. Some moments I feel so tired, of waiting to those things that never come.
I would be a dead man walking if I wouldn really enjoy some moments, like yesterday at Botta, like friday, taking pictures of the sea side here in Helsinki... I have to say thanks for that.
It is time to move to Esplanadi for a while.

Once in Espa, I have not done much, I have just sat down not even looking at the people just thinking, like I usually do, and trying to understand why things happen in my life. I have fallen asleep even, I am tired today, the night was long. Then I came here and I guess I am going home now. I don know. This is so weird, how I feel. So strange.

When the ground spits fire

It is annoying how warm is Madrid in summer, it is unnatural for me and I can't stand it, it is useless to have a shower just before going out because in 10 minutes you are sweating to death. The ground acummulates heat and it spits it directly to you and to every living being. And then, the sun, fortunately only during the day, it makes impossible for me to stay outside the shade...Unbelievable.
Nowadays I don't have PC at home, so that means that I can not post even if I have ideas to do it...
I am PC junkie, I have to say, maybe, but I am sure that that will disappear when I will be busy working, and the fact that I listen to music in the PC and I am listening to it every single second I am at home, that is the main reason. I have probably lost all my mp3 and DVD's I had in my hard drive... that is a pity.
But, time is running out here in the cyber, so,I hope to see you soon, maybe from Finland.
Moikka!!!

A cup of tea after a long and cold walk

They had a promise to keep. Both were at the place they promised to meet one day. They both did it, in one or another way, how does not matter anymore. Girl and boy, woman and man, meet in the Harbour, just where all these boats for tourists sail, where both took those boats themselves one day in the past, as travellers they were. It is a sunny saturday morning of a typical winter. It's cold, very, but it does not matter, it is sunny and they both like sunny winter days.
Just a Hello! and an embrace and the couple starts walking along Espa, it is all full of snow, they are walking over it, and, of course, as usual, he has brought his camera. He is talking pictures of everything, incluiding her. She is smiling, in a way, she believes him crazy, but in the good sense. He smiles too. Finally, she is his particular model, well, although he does not consider this conditions as the best to takes pictures of her. He would like it to be in a studio, at her or his place, for example. In a more intimate atmosphere. But today is a first opportunity. The conversation that has already started is great, free and easy, as the first times they talked. They are enjoying it. They really do, and they deserve it, after all the time spent in thinking and looking for an opportunity to see each other.
The station is just a few metres further away, their destination is the National Park near the city. First they are taking a train and then a bus. They will spend there some hours. An easy walking route will be enough.
It takes time to arrive to the Park, but once they are there it's worth the trip. They follow the short route finally, it's about enjoying nature, not being exhausted, maybe they are going out tonight.
The lakes are frozen, for him it is still strange and exciting, and scary, of course, he is from south Europe, and that is not common there. He likes cold, that white and attractive landscapes. When he was young he used to play with snow every occasion that he could. On the contrary, she does not like cold, she is a northern european, she prefers the warm soft summers, but she smiles because she is having fun, and she is happy, all her ghosts, all that state of apathy from the past is gone. She has been smiling all the morning, and he loves to see her on that mood. It is a true smile, it comes from her inside, from her heart.
They walk over the ice, it is not the first time, but it is still exciting. He takes more and more pictures, it is a perfect day for it. It is a perfect day for everything.
They follow the path until they choose a beautiful place, to have something like a "lunch", and some warm drink, coffee, I think. And they continue until they complete the path. It took them almost 3 hours to do it and it was very beautiful. It takes a while until the bus to return home comes, then a train, and, once in the city centre they decided to have a warm tea and more conversation, focusing on it and, why not, rest. They are tired.
They laugh at the pictures again, and he promises to give her a cd with them, or go one day to her place to tranfer them into her PC.

-And what about tonight? Do you feel like going out?
-Yes, although I am tired, but we can recover and sleep tomorrow, it's sunday.
-Ok, great!! Where do you want to go? We could maybe go to the place we met. Do you remember?
-Yes, it would be perfect if we go there. Great!

Bilbao harbour

Suomi in Black and White

Europe, Europe, Europe,....

..., the Old Europe. How beautiful it is, how many lovely hidden places belong to Europe. I was travelling through it during 2 inter rails that I will remember among the best trips of my whole life. And, no, I am not in Europe, we are not in Europe, we are in Spain, part of it geographically, but far away of its culture, respect and facilities, ok, why do I give examples...Of almost everything. Far away from everything,except sun and party. Ands I would change all our sunny days for a better country, I would without any remorse or regret. Europe starts in France, if they do consider themselves as europeans. Why don't we have trams? Why don't we have a more pleasant summer? Why that stupid (but true) sentence "Spain is different"? I am sorry, very sorry, but I am not proud of being spanish. Good night.

In the Matrix

Last weekend I was talking with a friend about films. I am not very very very fond of cinema or buying Dvd's or collecting special editions. I like it, more and more since I went to Norway, where it was one of our best distractions. But nothing comparable to collecting cd's, I love that. But today it was one of these days that you feel like staying at home watching a film. I felt very bad (emotionally and physically) the entire week so I decided that it would be good to stay at home today. And it was a good choice.
I have watched the game Germany-Portugal first. Nothing really special. Germany won as I expected. Then I wanted to watch "Fargo", one of my favourite films ever, but I realized that I hadn't admired "Matrix" for a long time. Yes, well, many persons like it because their fights and such stuff. I do also, but, the philosophical similarity that it has with our reality is amazing. Just judge yourself. Maybe you like it or not, maybe you find it Science fiction, but further away, I believe, first of all, that this is a philosophical film. And a harsh critic to mankind, and I love it also. We are like a virus!! It sounds disgusting maybe, but, for me, it sounds funny because I think that, in a way, it is what we are.
I like when Morfeus tells Neo something like: "Nobody has to tell you what or who you are, it doesn't have to be prove, you just have to know it yourself" (I insist in "something like that", don't take it as read). In a society like ours, where "What the rest would say" matters, and a lot, this sentece amazes me. We have just to figure out what we are, and know it, believe ourselves important, because we are. KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
Goodnight, inhabitants of the Matrix.

Writings coming back

Today is has just been a really bad day. 3 nights from the last 6 I have had nightmares. Today I did not, but I had a tremendous headache when I woke up. People in general in Spain don't speak English. Maybe I have figured out what to do this summer finally and maybe work and study. it is sad to say that the best thing has been the World Cup game between Italy and Germany. I've been visiting my grandmother.
But the main subject of this post is this I have written.

Tu voz
se torna ausente
tus letras desaparecen
noto tu ausencia,
pese a que nunca has estado.
Veo tu sonrisa,
en fotos de lugares dorados.
Te echo de menos,
pese a que nunca te tuve en mis brazos.
Y aún tengo (o tenía) planes,
para una visita fugaz,
pero en la que se pare el tiempo
y ya nada importe,
nada.

Me pregunto si aún me esperas,
fumando en la noche,
si aún sueñas con mis besos,
que te harían temblar,
si aún te ríes con mis bromas,
o te las tomas a mal.
Me pregunto tantas cosas,
y no sé ninguna.
Quisiera estar en tantos sitios,
y no estoy en ninguno.
Querría hablar tantas horas contigo
que me quedaría sin voz,
y entonces,
gastaría mi vista sólo en mirarte,
mi tacto en acariciarte,
y así,
hasta quedarme sin sentido alguno.



Your voice
turns absent
your words disappear
I feel your absence,
although you have never been.
I see your smile,
in pictures of golden places.
I miss you,
although I never had you in my arms.
And i still have (or had) plans
for a brief visit,
but, in which the time stops,
and nothing else matters,
nothing.

I ask myself
if you are still waiting for me,
while you smoke in the night,
if you still dream about my kisses,
that would make you shake,
if you still laught with my jokes,
or you take them bad.
I ask myself so many things,
and I don't know any.
I would like to be in many places,
and I am not in any.
I would like to talk so many hours with you,
that I would loose my voice,
and then,
I would consume my sight only in looking at you,
my touch in caress you,
and in that way,
until I had no more senses left.

Back from Bilbao

Ayer volví de pasar 3 días en Bilbao con los Julios. Gracias desde aquí por lo BIEN que se portaron conmigo. Me hacen sentir como en casa. Pondré alguna foto en "Only Pictures" pronto. Quizás (bueno, sin el quizás) demasiada fiesta y poca visita a Bilbao, pero me tengo que buscar fines de semana en los que no haya fiestas. La proxima vez.

Yesterday I have came back after spending 3 days in Bilbao with the "Julios". Thanks a lot for how pleasant they were with me. They make feel like at home. I will post some pictures at "Only Pictures" soon . Maybe (well, without maybe) too much party and less visits to Bilbao, but I have to go another weekend withoput parties. Next time.

Today is just another day

Today the calmness and peacefulness I talked about a couple of days ago has gone, lead by the weeping of a city and a nation. I haven't felt as comfortable as other nights. Helicopters, police cars with their sirens, more people than usual. The game against France and the loss of our virginity in this Football World Cup 2006 has caused a little nightmare in Spain. I have felt that all that things have spoilt my quiet and calmness walk with my dog (that is usually only interrupted by the fear he has of other dogs). Many red T-shirts, many conversations about the game. And it is just another beautiful day. And tomorrow it will also. Nothing should change that. Our life will not change just with a game or a result. Forget about it fast and enjoy life. I want to have my calm nights again. Life is not a 90 minutes game. It is just a little longer.

Again here

It was such a long time with no new posts, I was not so inspired to do it and I have been quite busy.
I am listening to the new Sonic Youth record. It is very good, I guess. It is my first listening.
Just back from getting the dog out. I only find peacefulness, calmness, and, of course, a pleasant temperature at night in this city. The stress of a big city is suddenly gone. I like it. Only a few people walking, or enjoying Madrid's marvellous temperature at night: 24ºC. Many, many, many, cities and their inhabitants would like to have that temperature during the whole summer the day hours. Here, we have it at night. It sounds funny.
I don't know what has changed me. I like calmness and silence in my life. I believe I am asking for too much and Madrid can not pleasantly give me that pleasure. And fresh nights...not anymore. Too big city. I would like it to be half or a fourth its actual size and population. It would be great. there should be a limit, "This city is already full. Only visits." Yep, but maybe that is too radical. I guess. Let the people live where they want. And let me dream about leaving this city.

Mundos opuestos // Opposite Worlds

Esto fue escrito el pasado día 6 de junio, y ha sido traducido hoy, día 13 del mismo mes.
This was written las 6th of june, and it was translated today, 13th of the same month.

Gran diferencia
la que representa tan sólo un cristal,
una puerta cerrada,
pero aún transparente para algunos.
Dos mundos opuestos
separados sólo por centímetros,
y por libertades contrarias.

Pájaros se dejan mecer fuera en las ramas al sol,
sólo porque lo desean,
personas dentro ni siquiera se dan cuenta,
de lo que son privadas.

Días y días pasar
ninguno de ellos es diferente,
en todos esa misma espera,
esa triste calma,
donde uno a uno todos abandonan el barco,
de pena o arrastrados
por olas de olvido.

Tantos y tan bellos ojos profundos,
ojos que han visto vidas enteras,
y que ahora te miran con pena,
de verse con almas expertas,
pero cuerpos que no responden.

Ojos que recuerdan qué han sido,
cada instante incluído en sus vidas,
que se ven abocados ahora a un final poco digno,
a una sinrazón que sólo ellos no ven lógica.



Big difference
that one represented by only a glass,
a closed door, but still transparent for some.
Two opposite worlds,
only separated by centimetres
and by contrary freedoms.

Birds let themselves being rocked outside in the branches at the sun,
only because they wish it,
people inside don't even notice
of what they are deprived.

Days and days pass,
none of them are different,
all with that same wait,
that sad calmness,
where one by one all drop out of the ship,
of sorrow or swept out
by waves of oblivion.

Many and such beautiful deep eyes,
eyes that have seen entire lifes,
and that now look at you with grief,
of seeing themselves with expert souls,
but bodies that don't respond.

Eyes that remember what have them be,
every instant filmed in their lifes,
that now see themselves doomed to a non worthy end,
to an unreasonableness that only them don't see logic.

The misunderstood (persons)

It seems to be the title of a film, a sad one, I believe it could be. Every single day of our lives we meet people who, in one way or other, are different and apart of the society. And they are discriminated or treated in different ways because this conditions. It doesn't matter if it is skin colour, or religion, that is obvious, but this fact goes further on, and things less obvious, like those who think different, who have differerent ideas than the rest, those ideas that nobody understand or such conditions nobody care about. For example, where is the limit between a sect and a religion? Or why is a religion considered the evil religion for other religions, if they are all the same? They are trying to look for something they don't have with quite stupid rules sometimes, very stupid rules, I must say. Rules shouldn't exist.
Those people are just put aside of the society, the others don't even try to understand their ideas, the others just judge.
A great example of this are The elderly people. We just don't understand them, Do you know why? Because we are not old, we will only understand them, and we will become part of the Misunderstoods, when we will get older and "nobody" will understand us.
Have you ever been in a Residence for The Elderly? Sad places, like prisons, not because they were guilty of doing anything wrong against the law, just because they are not like the rest, just because they don't fit in the society anymore.
I've been visiting my grandmother today: great and modern facilities, but still, I do not get used to the fact that she is going to spend there the rest of her life...in such an isolated place, with all the sunlight and warm that it was, the surroundings looked like a plot.There are no excuses, of being between a great area of nature, or ot, it doesn't mater, it is not important, they are not going out, they are inside forever, and the feeling of having 2 little bushes inside doesn't help... Such confortable place to live, it should be, but it is like being in jail with all the confortabilities...and of course it doesn't conmpensate. I hate it.
And I have re-discovered today two things about my life:
1.- I can not stand summers in Madrid, mainly because its unbearable hot. How do I like The Sun, yes, but I just can not be under its rays in summer here.
2.-I can see that The elderly can really see my beauty, everytime I go with my grandmother everywhere, they say to her, oh, what a cute grandson you have!! I like it. It makes me smile and it makes smile her.

Almost 13 hours listening to music

Here, now listening to Jose Gonzalez I have noticed that It is such a huge number of hours. And believe me I haven't cheated anything. I have just stopped to it while I was having lunch and while I wasn't at my room. While studying finnish, while chatting, etc...always listening to Music. Today, from Jose Gonzalez to Sepultura, passing by Mogwai, Shout out Louds, PANIC! at the disco, and many many more....
You can see the list of the songs here, in a word document.
I was obliged to delete the text with the songs because it was too long.